The mental load is real and it is damaging parents’ mental health

Often, in my work as a therapist, themes emerge. Whether that is teenagers struggling with friendships, adults struggling with low self-esteem, or parents who are quietly trying not to buckle under the weight of the mental load.

There are now more families where both parents are working than in any previous decade and the pressure upon them seems to be more intense than ever. To say nothing of single parents, who are often facing this burden with no one to share it with.

It can be relentless. Uniform restocks, keeping track of PE kits, trips to be paid for, extra-curricular activities to book, washing baskets that seem to refill as if by magic, endless WhatsApp group notifications, rotas, playdates, food shopping, driving from one place to the next, present buying, meal planning and that probably isn't even half of it. And all of this before you sit down to answer the messages or emails you’ve missed in the process.

From what I see in my practice, the truth is that many parents are quietly running on empty. In the process of trying to manage all the above, their own needs often end up right at the bottom of the list. It isn’t even necessarily about doing the tasks themselves, but the constant thinking about them. It is exhausting and we need to get better at putting things in place before it becomes too much.

Small, consistent changes make a big difference. My favourites are making time to rest (yes, it really is allowed), allocating space in your week to do the things you enjoy and of course, reaching out for help when you need it. These things are not luxuries, they are essential to our survival and it is putting them in place that make us better parents, who can show up in a much healthier way for our kids.

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Remember that you don't need to change everything, but just adjusting a few small things can make everything feel less heavy.